Lost Michigan Salmon Run Found            

The mystery of the 2014 Salmon run has finally been solved. Over the past 5 months, biologists have worked tirelessly to understand the cause of low 2014 salmon numbers in the Great Lakes and its tributaries.  A number of theories have shown merit including poor alewife and batfish populations, stocking cutbacks, pollution, and others.

This past week, Umberto Gilliermo landed an unusual fish on the sandy beaches of Panama City, Panama which turned out to be none other than a Pacific Salmon.  Unquestionably from the Great Lakes due to a large egg sucking leech fly buried in its “ass”, the fish is the key to unwrapping the mystery of the 2014 run.  Biologists now theorize that salmon began to enter their natal streams and tributaries this past fall but once they were assaulted by “fly fishermen” they abruptly returned to the lakes and hatched a Shawshank-worthy escape plan.

Pacific Salmon Escape Route

Their journey of over 6,000 miles involved acclimating to salt water, sharks, sea lions, commercial fishermen, New Yorkers, and navigating a series of canals including the Panama Canal, one of the greatest engineering feats of the 20th century.  Initially the St. Lawrence Sea Way was thought to be their choice of onramps to the Atlantic; however, elevated levels of pharma-toxins native to the Hudson River (rohypnol, rogaine, lithium, and Xanax) were found in Gillermo’s fish.  Apparently the fetid water of the Erie Canal and Hudson River provided the perfect cover for hundreds of thousands of Chinook to make their miraculous escape from inevitable death by snagging / fly fishing techniques employed in the Great Lakes.

Banana 2

Are Pacific Salmon capable of navigating the Panama Canal?

It seems that the Great Lakes Pacific Salmon were following their instinctual senses that have been engrained in them from many thousands of years of reproduction in the Pacific Northwest, and are intent on returning to their ‘home’ waters.  While most biologist would theorize that through many years of evolution and reproduction of Pacific Salmon in the Great Lakes region, that innate imprinting of their original natal streams where their ancestors originated from nearly a century ago, would all have been all but gone.  However, it appears that nature is prevailing and the fish seem to have the ability to navigate their way back to the Pacific ocean watersheds.

DNR spokesperson Harold Babar stated “We see this as a very clear message that Pacific Salmon are intellegent and tired of getting snagged in the ass for sport”.  Babar went on to outline a 12 step program involving gill netting all escaped Pacific Salmon and returning survivors to their midwestern home waters.

Tues bananas

16 responses

  1. Pingback: Salmon Run Mystery solved

  2. anthony

    and so it was written and so it was said, the salmon were tired of getting snagged in the head, so they left their fake lake in spite of their river and journeyed round the world to avoid all the snaggers:) let this be a lesson to all you who fish lets hope next year you encounter the fish 🙂


    February 10, 2015 at 10:28 am

  3. Christopher Capetillo

    The fishing tackle used to catch Salmon is the same in a lot of regions. We on the great lakes use a lot of East coast products. This theory has been thought of for many years. I fish tournaments on Lake Michigan every summer. We caught several large Salmon every year. If you would stop to think of how many charter boats there are in every port around the lake and all the tournament and all the recreation fishing on Lake Michigan. It is mind blowing. I don’t doubt some salmon make it to the ocean. I am more inclined to believe that the amount of presser placed on these fish have something to due with it then anything else! As far as bait fish we are still seeing plenty of bait fish out there. huge pods.


    February 10, 2015 at 11:31 am

    • Maybe it is the pressure that is causing them to flee – still wild to think they have made it all the way to S. America though. Maybe they are following a ship – like the pied piper?


      February 10, 2015 at 1:36 pm

  4. Pingback: Lost Michigan Salmon Run Found!!

  5. Fish_Against_The_Machine

    I heard they were searching for the arctic passage, but got cold


    February 11, 2015 at 10:59 am

  6. Pingback: The mystery of the 2014 Salmon run - Fishing Reports News

  7. rob

    I heard they were deverted to run the sewer pipes….then they escaped across the boarder to Canada…. Lol. Look there is a big problem in the lake…steelhead came in the river and didn’t eat for a month…


    February 12, 2015 at 8:33 am

  8. Jason

    Just like they said in a article that Mi.fish were depressed from all the pills being flushed. And that’s why they don’t run like they use too. My wife an I read that a couple yrs. ago in a article.


    February 12, 2015 at 8:45 pm

  9. Pingback: Weekly Review | michiganfly

  10. C Oaks

    The fish got together and formed a Salmon union and mobilized for better waters because they talked among themselves and demanded they stop being fished for!!!


    February 13, 2015 at 11:15 am

  11. Paul Paschke

    It’s hard to be serious about this but it is at least a theory to start with. I’ve observed the annual salmon fishery at Oswego, NY and it is quite possible that some salmon escaped the nets of the conservation authorities (after they got by the fishermen). It speaks highly of the tenacity of salmon. But who knows what drugs they were on.


    February 13, 2015 at 3:01 pm

  12. Prof.

    Anyone who believes this is just as much a fool as the person who wrote it…theres no proof …theres nothing here to see…move on..


    February 14, 2015 at 5:33 pm

    • Thanks for the feedback professor. We here at Michiganfly are skeptical as well.


      February 14, 2015 at 5:55 pm

  13. Leroy

    6,000 miles in 6 months????


    February 17, 2015 at 5:11 pm

  14. Pingback: Saturday Shoutout / Mitt Monkeys and Tuesday Bananas | Fly Fishing | Gink and Gasoline | How to Fly Fish | Trout Fishing | Fly Tying | Fly Fishing Blog

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