Man Ticketed for Indecent Exposure on Popular Michigan River
Baldwin, MI – Northern Michigan resident Ryan Zeller has been known by his angling peers to employ creative means of warding other would be fisherman away from his secret fishing spots in the past. However, this winter his antics landed him in hot water with the local authorities and made a lasting impression on passing anglers.
Originally bantered about with his fishing partners over a night of consuming large amounts of Fireball and Boone’s Farm watching Babe Winkleman reruns in his basement, little did the others in the group know that Ryan would follow through on a devious plan that everyone wrote off as a joke. Friend Paul Sullivan, said with a still stunned expression plastered across his face, “you can’t do anything anymore without someone being offended, I guess this was just going to far.”
Tired of being encroached upon by other anglers, either letting their centerpin rigs drift through his run from 3 bends above or being “low-holed” by anglers seeking prime real estate on the Pere Marquette River, Ryan waited for the right opportunity to hatch his master plan to ward off intruders. With as many as 15 other anglers within Ryan’s line of site he casually pulled his buff down from under his nose, proudly displaying a hideous Fu Manchu facial hair configuration. All reports indicate that Ryan’s attempt at Hulk Hogan’ing people away from him drew a raucous laugh from the growing crowd.
But Zeller didn’t stop there. Like a scorned exotic dancer working at a backwoods gentleman’s club, he began tearing off every shred of clothing that adorned his torso, tossing the warming layers far onto the river bank. Zeller’s rage stripping concluded when he clumsily slid out of his neoprene waders revealing pair of pasty white legs and a pink banana hammock that appeared to be filled with a zucchini from last years garden.
Hearing the commotion from 2 bends above, MDNR agent Phil McCracken who was out investigating a Sasquatch sighting, had made his way down the bank just in time to see Ryan turn to the crowds and angrily gesture towards his man parts in a last ditch desperate attempt to scare them off. McCraken stated “I thought I was going to have to draw my gun, it appeared he had a sawed off shotgun in his speedo.”
McCraken issued Ryan a citation for indecent exposure and instructed him to dress and return to his vehicle.